Mrs. Owens Manages

…and makes exceptions

Mrs. Owens manages* Herb’s, drinking by limiting him to one bottle of wine per night or two cocktails when they go out.

*Except for the bottles she doesn’t know about, which he secrets in the garage and later throws into the sea — as empties — on his morning walks.

*Except holidays, weddings, wakes, and feasts of the most random Saints.

*Except poker night. The rules say “no wives” but God knows she tried to make an exception.

*Except when she is too drunk herself to keep an eye on him.

*Except when his drinking has overtaken hers so prodigiously that he must drink her unfinished bottles from a few nights in a row before they go bad.

*Except unlimited tall cans of cold beer as long as he’s mowing the lawn or fixing things around the house or looking after the land or otherwise making himself useful.

*Except when he is so severely hungover from an exceptional night that his daily ration feels like an impossible chore.

*Except in the case of any number of unforeseen circumstances that will be made exceptions to her management when they come to pass.

— Valencia, 2017